JOKES for KIDS  Q: What's red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator. Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A: We have to stick together. Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldoser. Q: When is a baseball player like a thief? A: When he steals a base. Q: What did the can say to the can opener? A: You make me flip my lid. Q: What is a volcano? A: A mountain with the hiccups. Q: What do you find at the end of everything? A: The letter "g". Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe? A: He called a toe truck. Q: Why do two skunks argue? A: Because they like to kick up a stink. Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me. Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A: Put them in a barking lot. Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat. Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: One more crack and I'll plaster you. Q: Why is baseball like a cake? A: They both need batters. Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion? A: Take me to your weeder. Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins? A: Slippers! Q: What did the rug say to the floor? A: I've got you covered! Q: How do you make antifreeze? A: You steal her blanket. Q: Why does a cow wear a bell? A: Because her horns don't work. Q: What's red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator. Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A: We have to stick together. Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldoser. Q: When is a baseball player like a thief? A: When he steals a base. Q: What did the can say to the can opener? A: You make me flip my lid. Q: What is a volcano? A: A mountain with the hiccups. Q: What do you find at the end of everything? A: The letter "g". Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe? A: He called a toe truck. Q: Why do two skunks argue? A: Because they like to kick up a stink. Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me. Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A: Put them in a barking lot. Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat. Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: One more crack and I'll plaster you. Q: Why is baseball like a cake? A: They both need batters. Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion? A: Take me to your weeder. Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins? A: Slippers! Q: What did the rug say to the floor? A: I've got you covered! Q: How do you make antifreeze? A: You steal her blanket. Q: Why does a cow wear a bell? A: Because her horns don't work.   Knock! Knock! Who's there? Rita. Rita who? Rita book, you might learn something. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Police. Police who? Police open the door, I'm tired of knocking. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Henrietta. Henrietta who? Henrietta worm that was in his apple. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Carrie. Carrie who? Carrie on with what you're doing, I'm at the wrong door. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita drink of water. Knock! Knock! Who's ther? Dwain. Dwain who? Dwain the bathtub, I'm drowning.  -How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a duck. -Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors? So he could hide in the crayon box. -Why do elephants have wrinkles? Because they are so hard to iron. -Why did the elephant put skates on before he went to bed? Because he wanted to get rolling in the morning. -Why can't an elephant ride a tricycle? Because it doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell. -Why do elephants wear sunglasses? So no one will recognize them. -Why are elephants such poor dancers? Because they have two left feet. -What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence. -Why can't elephants go swimming at the beach? Because they can't keep their trunks up. Girl to Doctor: Doctor, Help! My brother thinks he's a chicken! Doctor: How long has this been going on? Girl: About a year. Doctor: Wow! Why didn't you tell me sooner? Girl: Because we needed the eggs!    How did the sand get wet? The sea weed!    Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana! Banana who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!   Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry? A: Booger King!!!    A frog walks into a bank and says "I wanna loan." "Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black's desk, she is the loan manager, I'm sure she will be happy to talk to you," The head desk says. The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black's desk and says, "I wanna loan." Mrs. Black says, "Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here..." At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her. She asks, confused, "What is this?" The frog croaks back, "I wanna loan." She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, "I don't get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?" The boss laughs and says, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!" (c) funboy 2003